


My First and Last

by 138tech



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 5k words, Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends, Ex Lovers, Flashbacks, Fluff, Graduation, High School, Light Angst, M/M, Oneshot, Party, Pining, Underage Drinking, side jaesung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 12:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20545913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/138tech/pseuds/138tech
Summary: Huang Renjun and Lee Donghyuck met at age 4, in the park at the end of their street. They were best friends by age 5 and inseparable by age 6. At 13 they fell in love. Just the perfect childhood friends to lovers dream, except it wasn't. Now five years on at the age of 18 they've drifted apart, dissolved into their separate friendship groups, determined never to see each other again. Except now they're attending the same graduation party and maybe Donghyuck never stopped loving the kind, smiling boy he sees across the room. But does Renjun feel the same?





	My First and Last

“Hyuckie!!!” the small boy calls out as he runs on over on his tiny legs.  
“Injunnie!!” Donghyuck turns at the right time to catch Renjun in a hug.  
“How do I look?” Renjun asks once they separate, striking ridiculous poses one after the other in his new, bright red school uniform.  
Donghyuck giggles, “Stupid.”  
“Hey!” Renjun hits him, Donghyuck his him back.  
“Boys! Cut it out!” Donghyuck’s mother calls from the front steps of their house. “I cant have you looking messy in the photo!”  
The two boys freeze, “Photo?” Donghyuck asks, “Why do we need a photo?”  
“It’s your first day of school sweetie of course I’m going to take a photo.” His mum explains pulling her phone out of her jacket pocket, “Renjun did your mum already take one or does she want me to get one of you?”  
“Mum took one earlier!” Renjun grins as he begins to fix his hair the way he’d seen his own father do every morning.  
“Well okay then!” Donghyuck’s mother squats on the bottom step and holds her phone up, “Smile!”  
The two flash their cheesiest grins as they hear the sound of the phone camera clicking away. “Okay! in the car come on we don’t want to be late!”  
“I call the left side!!” Renjun yells, shoving Donghyuck away from himself and running towards the car in the driveway. Tiny hands yanking the back door open and throwing his bag inside.  
“No fair! it’s my mums car!” Donghyuck whines.  
Renjun sticks his tongue out, “too bad! I called it!” He grins and clambers into the car, giggling as he buckles himself in. 

_____________

“Earth to Donghyuck!?” Jeno calls over the music, two open cans in his hands.  
“Yeah sorry hi!” Donghyuck reaches up and takes one.  
“Well? shift!” Jeno gestures with his now free hand.  
Donghyuck makes space on the fake leather sofa, taking a sip from his can as Jeno crashes in next to him.  
“Aw this is gross what the fuck is it?” He holds it out infront of him to look at the label,  
“I’m gonna be honest i just took two cans out the fridge” Jeno sighs taking a drink from his own can, “but you’re right this tastes like shit”  
“There’s literally mixers and shit laid out why would you take cans!” Donghyuck complains.  
“You had a can before this! I just assumed that’s what you were drinking!”  
“Mark brought some over while we were getting ready to leave” Donghyuck explains, pulling a face as he drinks again from the can in his hands.  
“Ah, I knew I should’ve got ready at yours” he sighs, “Anyways what’s got you so spaced out?”  
“Nothing, I was just... thinking” Donghyuck trails off as he looks past the sea of people in the room, to one boy. Who’s looking between his best friend and another boy, laughing at one of their stupid antics. It’s the same smile he’s always had, his eyes turning into little half moon shapes, his whole face brightens up and in turn brightens the room.  
“Ah,” Jeno follows his line of sight. “Renjun”  
Donghyuck nearly snaps his neck he turns away so fast, “What? no!”  
“I can literally see you staring at him”  
“I’m not staring!”  
“Yes you are! You were spaced the fuck out when I got here too, just staring right at the guy!”  
“I wasn’t! I don’t even think about him!”  
“Oh my God!” Jeno sighs. “Just fucking walk over there and talk to him!”  
Donghyuck scoffs, “Why would I do that!”  
“Because Hyuck, you guys broke up what? Four years ago? And you literally haven’t been in a relationship since because every time he’s in your line of sight you sit and stare at him!”  
Donghyuck sighs, “Who says he’d want to talk to me?”  
Jeno takes another sip from his can, “Okay well if you’re not going to talk to him then the least you can do is have some fun! We’re at a party for fuck’s sake! Dance! Make some friends! Make out with a stranger! Just please god don’t sit here and stare longingly fucking Huang Renjun,” He stands up and runs a hand through his hair. “Now, I’m going to get another drink, you coming?”  
Donghyuck takes one last look at Renjun before standing up. “Hell fucking yeah I’m coming, you can’t be trusted to get good drinks!” 

______________

“And then Renjun here,” Jaemin laughs, “literally fucking screams so loud like it woke Jisung up and he sleeps like a corpse.”  
“It’s true, Sungie sleeps through everything” Renjun nods along slightly embarrassed, but smiling all the same.  
“Well? what was it?!” Yukhei asks, invested in Jaemin’s tale.  
“Go on Renjun, tell him what you saw,” Jaemin smirks while taking a sip of his drink.  
Renjun sighs, “Okay, look, I know what I saw alright. I’m telling you all it’s a ghost, Jisung’s house is haunted.”  
Jaemin laughs and shakes his head, “It was Jisung’s coat on the back of the door.”  
“It moved though!” Renjun then turns to Yukhei, “Coats can’t move on their own.”  
“Renjun’s got a point.” Yukhei looks back at Jaemin.  
“Oh, don’t tell me you believe in ghosts too,” Jaemin complains, “The story’s no fun if you also think it was a ghost!”  
“Sorry man, ghosts are out there,” Yukhei grins.  
“See Jaemin! I’m not the only one” Renjun grins too.  
Jaemin waves a hand at them in mock disgust, “I’m so disappointed in both of you right now.”  
“Say that again when you get haunted for not respecting ghosts” Yukhei says, half joking.  
“Can’t haunt me if they don’t exist!” Jaemin takes another swig at his drink.  
Renjun is about to make some snarky remark but he’s interrupted by someone from across the room: “Hey! Yukhei! I haven’t seen you in forever!”  
Yukhei’s ever present smile widens once he sees who’s calling, “Dejun! I didn’t think you were coming!”  
“Yeah, well,” the boy, Dejun, gestures towards himself, and the blue plastic bag in his hands, “I aim to surprise”  
“Me and Renjun are just gonna go get something else to drink!” Jaemin cuts in, “we’ll catch up with you guys later?”  
Yukhei turns back to them, “Yeah! I’ll find you later!” but he’s only looking at Renjun.

“So, what do we think?” Jaemin asks once the two are a safe distance away.  
“He’s hot and everything but he’s way more interested in you,” Renjun sighs.  
“Renjun are you blind?” Jaemin sighs, “He literally only said he’d catch up with you!”  
“Jaemin he was fucking hooked on your story from start to finish, I mean he basically hung on your every word!”  
“Yeah cause the story was about you!” Jaemin rolls his eyes, “He knows full well that me and Jisung are together and, as I’ve been told before, I’m not exactly a subtle wingman”  
“You’re not subtle full stop”  
“That’s not true!”  
“Jaemin, before you started going out with Jisung you literally told him you liked him daily and stared longingly at him like, All. The. Time.”  
“Yeah, yeah speaking of staring longingly” Jaemin half whispers as they enter the kitchen where Donghyuck and Jeno are already standing, searching for cups.

_________

“Oh! Hey Jaemin!” Jeno turns around.  
“Hiya!” Jaemin says.  
Donghyuck continues searching the cupboard for cups. If Jaemin is in here, that can only mean Renjun is too.  
“You want anything?” Jeno asks, desperately trying to maintain some form of non-tense atmosphere.  
“Yeah, just, whatever you’re having” Jaemin tries to smile, bur it doesn’t hold his usual radiance.  
Donghyuck’s hand finds something vaguely glass-like in the cupboard, he pulls four out and then turns around:  
“Shots?”  
Jeno blinks in surprise but plays along, grabbing one of the bottles from the worktop, “yeah okay you guys in?”  
Renjun and Jaemin nod while Jeno pours the green liquid into the four shot glasses.  
“Is Jisung here by the way? I, like, haven’t seen him around” Jeno asks while screwing the lid back on.  
“Oh, yeah he’s around somewhere,” Jaemin gestures at the house they’re in. “He said something about needing to speak to Yuta about some football thing I don’t understand.”  
Jeno nods, “Yeah, I was gonna say Yuta’s looking for him.” He hands Jaemin and Renjun a glass each while he and Donghyuck hold up their own.  
“Cheers!” Renjun grins as they all down their drinks.  
“Okay, anyways back to me hunting for real glasses!” Jeno says chucking his own shot glass in the sink.  
“There’s plastic cups under the sink” Jaemin points to the cabinet next to Donghyuck’s left leg.  
“Okay! What are we having!?” Jeno’s fingers dance across the liquor bottles, opportunities endless.  
“Just vodka lemonade for us!” Renjun grins.  
Jeno sighs, “boring!” But he pours out four cups anyways.

_________

“God that was so fucking awkward,” Renjun mutters once him and Jaemin are free from the icy kitchen.  
“Tell me about it,” Jaemin rolls his eyes. “He’s still into you by the way.”  
“He’s what?” Renjun almost yelps. “No way, we broke up like four years ago he’s got to be over it,”  
“Well you aren’t over it are you?”  
“Jaemin, I already told you I’m over the romantic part, we were friends first y’know I just miss being his best friend” Renjun sighs  
“What’s stopping you from being friends?” Jaemin raises an eyebrow, “You said it yourself you’ve moved on, no hard feelings, you were both just young and immature.”  
Renjun takes a large gulp of his drink, “fuck, Jeno makes these strong.”  
“Don’t try and change the subject.”  
“I don’t want to talk about it tonight, okay. We’re at a party, i want to have fun! Your boyfriend’s running around here somewhere and there’s a guy here who’s ‘interested’ in me so can we just... y’know...” He trails off, “have a good time”  
Jaemin smiles sadly at him, “Okay fine, I’m sorry. And you are right, Jeno does make these super fucking strong”

__________

Donghyuck sighs, body crumbling against the counter, face flat on the cool marble top, “This is horrible, I hate it when you’re right”  
“I’m what?” Jeno grins cheekily, “Could you please say that again into the mic”  
“You’re right, I still like Renjun” Donghyuck groans, pulling himself to stand upright.  
“Wow, hold on. You still like Renjun? Like, like like? capital L? the whole business?” Jeno nearly drops his own drink.  
“Yes! The whole damn thing!” Donghyuck runs his hands through his hair, “oh fucks sake what am I supposed to do?”  
Jeno smiles softly and reaches an arm out to comfort him, “you could talk to him, I mean we all fuck off to uni after this right? Nothing to lose.” 

Jeno has always been the ‘tough love’ kind of friend, but he knows how to give sweet advice when it’s needed.  
“I don’t know,” Donghyuck mumbles. “I know what he’s like and he really won’t be happy if i just gatecrash his night with news like that.”  
“I’m not talking about Renjun’s happiness, I’m talking about yours! I couldn’t give a shit what would ruin his night, but getting some sort of closure might make yours better.”  
“I thought you liked Renjun?” Donghyuck’s eyes narrow at him.  
Jeno rolls his eyes, “He never liked me.”  
“That’s not true!” Donghyuck protests, “he always used to say how much he wanted to hang out with you more!”  
Jeno waves him away, “Ah, that’s all bullshit he was always just your friend the same way Jaemin is his.”  
“You’re still friends with Jaemin though”  
“We took basically all the same classes! And it’s not like me and him ever fell out!”  
“It’s not like me and Renjun fell out either,” Donghyuck mumbles into his cup.  
“Uh huh, and that’s why you guys can’t look each other in the eye anymore”  
Donghyuck collapses back over the counter with a groan, “I fucking hate it when you’re right.”

_________

“Jaemin!!!” A tall, wiry boy comes crashing over. A blinding smile painted across his whole face.  
“What’s got you so smiley?” Jaemin tries to sound serious but he’s grinning ear to ear, like he always does when Jisung is around.  
“Yuta says he’s gonna put my name forward to be football captain next year!” Jisung is literally buzzing with excitement, his hands won’t stay in the same place long enough for Jaemin to catch them in his own.  
“That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!” Jaemin smiles wider than Renjun ever thought humanly possible, his hands still chasing Jisung’s.  
“Holy shit Sungie you deserve it!” Renjun ruffles his hair.  
Jisung’s stopped bouncing now, Jaemin having finally captured his hands. He’s blushing now, a small shy smile in place of the wide grin he had earlier. “Thank you guys, really.”  
“Let’s get you a drink to celebrate!” Jaemin pinches his boyfriend’s cheek. “You coming Jun?”  
“And watch you two make out in the kitchen for ten minutes? No thanks, I think I’m gonna see if I can find Yukhei anywhere”  
“Yukhei huh?” Jisung smirks, Jaemin’s hands now graduated to his hips.  
“Not another word gremlin.”  
“Call us if you need anything!” Jaemin winks as he walks his boyfriend back into the kitchen.

Renjun sighs. They’d kept awful quiet about it, but he knows Jisung and Jaemin wanted some time alone. With Jisung in the year below, Jaemin’s graduation has been looming over them like a time bomb. And now the day has finally come, it’s not like they were planning on breaking up when Jaemin left for university, but it was an unspoken fact that their relationship was going to change. They wouldn’t be seeing each other everyday anymore, Jaemin wouldn’t be sitting at the court side of Jisung’s football matches, and they certainly wouldn’t be sneaking out of fourth period to go for an ‘extended lunch’. It was sad really, Jisung wouldn’t be alone but he’d no longer be able to sit at lunch with his two best friends. He wouldn’t be able to come running over in the hallways between classes to flash a score on a test that both Renjun and Jaemin has already sat, thanking them for remembering what questions came up. It must suck being the youngest.

Shaking those thoughts away, Renjun turns back to the mass of people scattered around the front room. Finally he spotted the one he was searching for. Yukhei was standing a little off to the side of the makeshift dance floor, talking to a girl Renjun vaguely recognised as Kang Mina from his chemistry class.  
“Hey!” Renjun smiles once he makes it to them.  
“Oh hey! I didn’t expect to find you again so soon.” Yukhei says, shifting his position to make room for him.  
Mina laughs a little, “I think he’s the one who found you.”  
Yukhei shoots her a little, “oh shut up” before turning his attention back to Renjun, “anyways what made you come back so soon? miss me?”  
Renjun scrunches up his nose, “Jisung came back and well, I didn’t just want to stand around and watch him and Jaemin kiss for the next 6 hours.”  
“Damn, so i’m just your backup?”  
“Looks like it.”  
Mina looks between the two, catching on remarkably fast, and excuses herself. Claiming to see one of her friends calling for her.  
“Good to know she can read a room” Yukhei jokes.  
“I don’t know what your talking about.” Renjun smirks, feigning ignorance.  
“Ah, so you play it like that?” Yukhei laughs. “Interesting.”

__________

“Jeno!” Jaemin calls upon re-entering the kitchen, this time with Jisung in his arms, “One more vodka lemonade!”  
“I’m not your fucking bartender” Jeno grumbles, but he makes the drink anyway.  
“Is he, uhm, okay?” Jisung gestures to Donghyuck, who’s stretched out across the kitchen island. Left cheek flat on the black, probably fake, marble, feet still flat on the floor.  
Jeno glances at him and rolls his eyes, “He’s fine he’s just being dramatic.”  
“I’m not!” Donghyuck whines. “I’m in pain right now.”  
“You wouldn’t be if you just did what I told you to.” Jeno shoots back.  
“Why? What’s up with you?” Jaemin asks.  
Jeno sighs, “He’s just realised he’s still in love with-“  
“Jeno!” Donghyuck cuts him off, suddenly standing bolt upright, eyes wide.  
“What? It’s not like they don’t know!”  
“They didn’t know I still-“ Donghyuck cuts himself off.  
Jaemin whistles, “Damn” and gives Jisung a knowing look.  
“Do you really still like Renjun after all this time” Jisung asks, tentatively.  
Donghyuck thinks a moment before answering in a quiet mumble: “I honestly don’t think I ever stopped.”  
Jeno throws his hands up in the air, “I cant do this, if Mark was here he’d be banging his head off the counter right now”  
“Are you doing to do anything about it?” Jaemin questions, ignoring Jeno’s exasperated sighs.  
Donghyuck bites his lip, “Jeno keeps telling me to talk to him, but I don’t know. I mean, I really don’t think I could take his rejection a second time”  
Jisung and Jaemin share a second look, “I don’t think he’d reject you.” Jisung says, but it’s more like he’s voicing his thoughts aloud.  
“I don’t think he’s over you either, not that he’d admit it but that’s why his relationships keep failing,” Jaemin nods at his own deduction. “He just needs to realise it.”  
Donghyuck visibly perks up at their words, “Okay, I’ll talk to him later.”  
“Thank you!” Jeno clasps his hands together as if he’s thanking the heavens themselves, which he very well could be.  
“Not to scare you, but if you’re going to talk to him, I think it has to be now”  
“Why?” Donghyuck’s eyes dart between the couple infront of him.  
“Well, Wong Yukhei has his eyes on Jun,” Jaemin smiles apologetically. “And he’s kinda hot so Junnie isn’t gonna say no.”

Donghyuck stares at Jaemin for a few seconds, deep in thought, and then hurriedly downs the rest of his drink. Wiping his mouth on his bare wrist he mumbles, “now or never” before making his way out of the kitchen. Leaving the other three boys frozen in shock and second hand nervousness.

____________

“I think we should break up” Renjun says quite matter of factly.  
“What? Why?” Donghyuck blinks, shocked at the sudden nature of the suggestion. He’d thought things were going well.  
“It’s just not working.” Renjun turns to face Donghyuck properly.  
“I don’t understand.” Donghyuck shakes his head, “I thought we were fine!”  
Renjun runs a hand through his hair, his stress and irritation obvious, “that’s just it Hyuck, we’re fine, whatever, so-so. There’s no spark or excitement or romance it’s just” He gestures hurriedly, hands grasping for the word, “average.”  
“Well sorry we’re not living in one of your stupid romance films” Donghyuck spits out with more venom than he intends, but he’s hurt.  
Renjun looks a little shocked by the hostility, but it doesn’t last for long. “I wasn’t asking for perfectly running through the daisy fields and kissing in the rain! But I don’t think this-“ he gestures between the two boys, “- is what qualifies as a relationship.”  
There are tears in Donghyuck’s eyes now, he can’t quite believe what’s happening. “You said you’d throw your life away for me” He chokes out, refusing to let his tears fall.  
Renjun presses his lips together, “that was yesterday, this is today. And today I’m saying let’s break up.”  
Donghyuck shakes his head in both denial and disbelief, “I cant believe this! You are the one who said it would all be fine as long as we loved each other! And we still do! So what’s the problem?”  
Renjun is silent for a few seconds, and then he meets Donghyuck’s eyes with a look of remorse and regret .  
Donghyuck understands what it means immediately, “oh” he whispers.  
“Yeah,” Renjun whispers back.  
Donghyuck’s tears are falling now, he stands up and dusts off his legs. “Fuck you”  
“How mature,” Renjun grumbles.  
“Well what do you expect!” Donghyuck snaps back, “That I’d just sit there and take it! That I’d simply nod and smile along as you tell me you don’t love me anymore! That’s not how it words Injun!”  
“I expected you, as my best friend, to understand how I feel and not fly off the handle!” Renjun stands up. “I thought that maybe, just maybe, you’d try and see it from my point of view! It’s not like I want to hurt you!”  
“Then fucking act like it!” They’re both shouting now, Donghyuck’s face is wet with tears. “Don’t invite me down to the park and sit with me for hours laughing about nothing if you’re planning to break up with me! Don’t kiss me and hold my hand and tell me I’m the only one in the world if you don’t love me!”  
“You’re still the most important person in my life Hyuck, I don’t want to lose you,” Renjun’s voice is softer now, laced with fear and regret.  
“Too fucking late,” Donghyuck spits.  
“Hyuckie please,” Renjun’s starting to cry too now, this wasn’t what he’d wanted to happen.  
“It’s Donghyuck to you now, Renjun.” Donghyuck snarls, his heart is shattering and the only thing that’s making it slightly better is seeing that he’s not the only one who’s hurt.  
“Don’t do this,” Renjun’s tears are almost over flowing now.  
“Don’t do what? This is what you wanted! I don’t recall asking to break up, that was you.” Donghyuck puts emphasis on his words, making it very clear he’s taking no responsibility for this.  
“I didn’t want it like this,” Renjun chokes out.  
“Well that’s just too bad,” Donghyuck grabs his jacket from the ground where they had just been sitting. “This is how it is.” And just like that he turns on his heel and walks away. Leaving Renjun alone to crumble to his knees and sob his young heart out. He’d never wanted to lose Donghyuck, but it seemed there was no coming back from this.

__________

Donghyuck shakes himself out of the memory. They were 14, Renjun almost 15, when they’d broken up. Donghyuck’s heart had been shattered and never put back together the same. He remembered how he’d ripped down all the photos of them together and thrown them away, tears streaming down his face the entire time. He also had a vague memory of his mother collecting them and storing them in a box in the attic but he wasn’t sure, he’d never had it in him to check. 

Surveying the room he finally spots the boy in question, shyly laughing at one of Yukhei’s jokes. Donghyuck’s always liked Yukhei they weren’t close but they were far from strangers, but in this moment he’d love nothing more than to punch Yukhei square in the face. Maybe it was the alcohol in his system, or the overwhelming amount of emotions swirling in his head that was causing this sudden onslaught of dislike for the boy. Donghyuck didn’t know, or care.

Hurriedly, or as hurriedly as he could manage without looking desperate, he made his way over. Unprepared and getting tipsier with every step. The thought of embarrassing himself overcome with Jeno’s “nothing to lose” echoing around his skull. 

He reaches his destination just as Renjun’s complementing Yukhei’s playlist, something about a band their both into.  
“Yeah! I’m going to their concert on Sunday!” Yukhei grins.  
“That’s so unfair!” Renjun complains, “i forgot when they went on sale and missed out.”  
Yukhei smirks a little, “well I was gonna force Kun or one of my other friends to come with me, but if you want to go there’s a spare ticket with your name on it....”  
Renjun’s eyes light up in a mixture of excitement and mischief, “Are you asking me on a date?”  
“That depends,” Yukhei grins again. “Do you want it to be?”

“No, he doesn’t” Donghyuck blurts out before he can stop himself. This was definitely not the plan.  
Yukhei looks understandably surprised at the interruption, Renjun just looks pissed off.  
“Donghyuck what the fuck are you doing?” Renjun folds his arms.  
Donghyuck gulps, it’s too late to back down now. “Injun- Can- I mean Renjun can we talk? I just- I need to talk to you”  
Renjun’s body language softens a little at the sound of the childhood nickname, but his facial expression only darkens. “What could you possibly want? There’s nothing to talk about.”  
“There is please just hear me out!”  
“Oh yeah and what’s that?”  
“Maybe I should go,” Yukhei chuckles awkwardly, unsure where to stand.  
“No, stay!” Renjun shoots him a soft smile before turning back to Donghyuck with an ice cold glare, “Donghyuck was just leaving.”

Nearby party go-ers have started to sense the commotion and have turned to see what’s going on, onlookers multiplying by the second. Donghyuck wants to run, hide and never see Renjun again. But an even bigger part of him wants to stay and see this out, and so he stands his ground.  
“I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”  
“We are talking Donghyuck, it’s just not going anywhere.” Renjun deadpans.  
“We both know I meant in private.”  
Renjun pauses for a moment then, glancing between Yukhei and Donghyuck and then finally at the audience they’ve gathered.

He rolls his eyes and grabs Donghyuck’s wrist, pulling him upstairs. “This better be worth my time.”

_____________

It’s been five minutes since Renjun pulled Donghyuck into the first unoccupied bedroom. This means five minutes of Renjun sitting on the bed, watching as Donghyuck paces around the room.

“Look if you have nothing to say can I just go?” He finally asks.  
“No! Wait! I’m getting there I swear I just need to find the right words for this.”  
Renjun folds his arms and raises an eyebrow, “Well can you do it faster? I’m running out of time to patch things up with Yukhei.”  
“Renjun I like you” Donghyuck says, and then he puts a hand to his lips as if he can’t quite believe he’s said it.  
Renjun can’t believe it either, “you what?”  
“I like you, no I still do, no I don’t know okay! Maybe I’m still in love with you, maybe i just have a small crush on you but I know i defiantly feel something.” Donghyuck’s rambling now, he knows it and yet he can’t stop, “So if you could I don’t know reject me or kiss me or be my boyfriend again that would be nice i guess...”  
Renjun’s fact softens at the tanned boy standing before him, “Do you want me to reject you?”  
Donghyuck stops pacing and looks down at his freshly cleaned sneakers, “I don’t think anyone wants to be rejected.”  
Renjun shakes his head in disbelief, “We don’t speak for, what? Three years? And now you’re telling me you’re maybe still in love with me? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”  
Donghyuck shakes his head, “this is really not the idea I had in mind”  
“Oh? Well do tell me how you thought this would go!” Renjun’s being overly harsh, he knows he is. But having Donghyuck gatecrash his night with a love confession of all things has really put him in a sour mood. Not to mention talking to Donghyuck digs up memories he’d rather stayed buried forever.

Donghyuck inhales, then speaks in one long sentence “I wasn’t even planning to talk to you the whole night - I was just gonna mind my own business - but Jeno’s been on my ass to stop fucking moping around and normally I would just tell him to fuck off but then Jisung said I might have a chance and I thought I’d think it over but then Jaemin said Yukhei was interested in you so I just panicked and walked over there and blurted the first thing that came to mind and now here we are and I’m just so sorry”

Renjun stares at him for several seconds, trying to process Donghyuck’s world vomit, expression unreadable. Donghyuck starts to wriggle uncomfortably under his gaze, confession still hanging in the air, unanswered.

“So, you do still love me?” Even Renjun’s tone is hard to decider, Donghyuck hates it. He hates how Renjun could always read him so quickly, always know exactly what he was feeling. While Donghyuck had to guess and fumble and often drag answers out of a boy who didn’t want to talk. It was unfair, so, so incredibly unfair but it was the was.

“Yes,” Donghyuck stands tall, determined to be rejected with dignity. “I do still love you Renjun.”

Renjun’s face softens suddenly, Donghyuck thinks he might be able to see a twinge of longing in his eyes, or maybe it was pitty he could never be too sure. Renjun walks over, gracefully and silently. His simple plimsole style shoes not making a single sound on the old floor boards of the bedroom. He keeps walking until he’s right infront of Donghyuck, reaching up to place his hands on his cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” He mumbles. “I’ve never been very good at explaining how I feel.” And then he leans up and kisses Donghyuck in the lips.

After a startled second Donghyuck kisses him back, hands making their way around to Renjun’s back. He tastes like Jeno’s more-vodka-than-lemonade cocktails and something else Donghyuck can’t quite put his finger on. It’s sweet, but sour at the same time and so undeniably Renjun that Donghyuck just cant get enough. Renjun’s hands are in his hair now, tugging on the small strands at the nape of his neck. It’s intoxicating, and miles better than the kisses shared at fourteen in the park. 

Then Renjun pulls back, hands coming out of his hair just to rest on Donghyuck’s neck. Donghyuck’s own hands remain on Renjun’s hips, holding him close as if he’s scared to lose him again. Which, he is.

“I hope that was answer enough,” Renjun whispers, almost inaudible over the music from downstairs. 

Donghyuck shakes his head, he needs Renjun to say it. Especially with Yukhei waiting downstairs, that kiss could’ve just as easily have meant goodbye.

“I don’t think I ever stopped loving you either Donghyuck” Renjun fidgets with his fingers on Donghyuck’s neck. “I lied, that day in the park. When you walked away I just remember crying for hours, I don’t even know how long I was there. Just that my mum picked me up, saying your mum had called her and she knew what had happened. I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck shakes his head, “It’s fine, I’m over it”  
Renjun chuckles, “I think we both know that’s not true.” And then kisses him again, it’s short this time, barely a peck but it’s enough to make Donghyuck’s heart flutter. 

“So what do you say Hyuckie?” Renjun grins, “Be my boyfriend again?”  
“I hope this is answer enough,” Donghyuck smirks, pulling Renjun back in for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> !! thanks for reading hehe <333
> 
> my twt is @qianberries if u wanna follow me there!


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